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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25690453">Midnight Snack</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/beef_wonder3/pseuds/beef_wonder3'>beef_wonder3</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Breastfeeding, F/M, Ficlet, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Short</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 07:01:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>967</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25690453</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/beef_wonder3/pseuds/beef_wonder3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Zuko and Mai talk about Zuko's feelings and fatherhood.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mai/Zuko (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>151</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Midnight Snack</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mai woke suddenly, not startled exactly, but immediately hyper-aware of what was missing.</p>
<p>She assessed her surroundings without moving, holding still as she lay on her front, cheek pressed against the pillow. She was facing the heavy drapes that cloaked the windows of the room and Mai could easily see the bare expanse of the rest of the bed from her side. The room wasn’t completely dark but even with the drapes closed she estimated it to be hours before sunrise. The illumination came from a single, lit candle somewhere behind her.</p>
<p>Instead of the assertive warble she had expected to hear when she awoke, there was only a hushed, hitched breathing. A low ache in her chest bloomed for two reasons; the primary ache that usually woke her at this time, and the secondary, heart-deep ache that settled in her every time her husband cried.</p>
<p> Mai pulled herself from the bed and approached him, coming to a stop behind the plush chair where Zuko sat and sniffled. She carded her fingers into the long sea of his hair and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of his head, hoping he would find comfort in her touch. She loved his hair. They both wore their hair long, though Mai had hers braided for sleep while Zuko would let his flow where it may, free from its regal topknot.</p>
<p>It was Zuko that broke their silence.</p>
<p>‘I didn’t mean to wake you.’ he said, still hushed and a little croaked.</p>
<p>‘You didn’t,’ Mai assured him, still combing with her fingers, ‘she’s usually calling for me by now.’ As if awaiting her cue, the bundle that Zuko cradled started to stir. Little fists wriggled, fighting the tight swaddle, waking from her own sleep. Zuko leant down, away from Mai’s hands and pressed a kiss to the infants’ forehead just as Izumi began to vocalise her pressing need.</p>
<p>‘I think this one’s for you.’ he joked, no longer crying but his cheeks still shining in the candlelight.</p>
<p>‘Sit with me.’ Mai urged, nodding to their vacant bed as Zuko passed her the baby. Zuko nodded in agreement and Mai turned towards the bed, allowing him to clean his face in private.</p>
<p>She knee-crawled back onto the bed, speaking agreeable nonsense to Izumi as the baby cried; three months old and very confident in what she wanted. Mai waited for Zuko as he discarded his robe and arranged pillows against the headboard. It took several minutes to arrange themselves comfortably; Zuko’s back against the pillows and Mai’s back against his chest. Finally in position, Mai juggled the crying baby enough to loosen the tie of her pyjamas, Izumi eagerly latching on for her mid-night feeding.</p>
<p>Mai relaxed her body as Izumi suckled, Zuko a solid wight behind her. The quiet was soft, muted, as they sat together, Zuko gently running his fingers over the dark wisps of hair on Izumi’s head.</p>
<p>‘Do you want to talk about it?’ she broached, allowing the silence to stretch without interruption, without pressure. Zuko was silent for long enough that Mai thought he had decided he didn’t want to talk, but eventually he started to speak.</p>
<p>‘I used to think that I would never understand my father. I couldn’t understand what drove him to rule with fear; to make the decisions he made.’ Zuko’s voice was soft, reflective, and Mai was surprised that he spoke about his father without his usual anger. ‘I’ve always wondered how hurting others was so easy for him. How hurting—’ Zuko paused, stumbling on emotion, ‘how hurting me was so easy for him.’ His hand moved away from Izumi and out of Mai’s line of sight and she knew his fingers were touching the mottled skin on his face. He didn’t seem to dwell on it too long, however, because they were quickly back, trailing ever so gently over Izumi’s milk-flushed cheeks.</p>
<p>‘And I realised something,’ Zuko continued, ‘when I was holding Izumi, I thought something I’d never thought before.’ Mai gazed down at their daughter, raising her own hand to trace a fingertip down her crinkled, little nose.</p>
<p>‘What was it?’ Mai asked, using a hushed tone herself now. When Zuko spoke, it was still quiet but emphatic in a reenergised way.</p>
<p>‘I don’t <em>want</em> to understand him anymore. I don’t understand how he could hurt and manipulate us the way he did. And I don’t want to understand because if I understood him, then would I be any different to him?’ Mai felt, and heard, him draw in a shaky breath and she swallowed down the emotion his pain welled up in her. She took a moment to reposition Izumi to her other arm and other breast before laying her hand on Zuko’s pyjama-clad leg.</p>
<p>‘You are not Ozai.’ she told him firmly, angling her head back against his shoulder in order to see his face. ‘And if there’s one thing I’m sure of in this world, it’s that Izumi will never, ever even question whether you love her. You’re going to be a good father, Zuko. You <em>are</em> a good father.’</p>
<p>Zuko smiled lightly at her then and pressed his face to hers. Mai hoped he heard the sincerity in her words, partly because it was true, but mostly because it annoyed her when he doubted himself.</p>
<p>‘Thank you.’ she heard him whisper as he pressed a kiss into the hairline of her forehead. She didn’t respond as she stopped arching her neck back, smiling down at the sleepy baby in her arms.</p>
<p>Dawn was still some time away and Izumi would need burping before she drifted off again, but Mai was content to sit a moment longer, enveloped in Zuko’s warmth and the softness of his face as he held her and their daughter close.</p>
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